Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I'm TOO picky.....You're not picky ENOUGH

When it comes to relationships, I feel like I have to break it down a little further for some of you that are trying your hardest to be with someone.  I'm the best person to do this because a big part of my personal and professional career revolves around knowing and studying human patterns and behavior.  Yes, I can get scientific but I won't because that would be lost on some so I will try to keep it simple.

There are a lot of dating questions floating through the atmosphere and yes, it is a lot to take in because choosing a mate is serious business.  Even choosing who to date is serious business and can make you really frustrated.  So here are some tips to help you along.

1. Beauty

Those of you who are really worried about height, weight and attractiveness really need to put that in perspective.  If you are looking for a man, you want to know who he is and what his goals are.  Don't care that he's not your preferred height, care about whether he is on his way somewhere or too busy trying to look good.  I'm not saying be with someone who isn't attractive  to you but beware that you aren't looking over a decent person because he doesn't meet your height requirement.  Funny, you have a height requirement and no job requirement.  Fix it.

2.  Age

The age question has come up several times in the last few weeks. How old is too old? How young is too young?  These questions can be answered in several different ways.  Personally, I don't think age is a factor until you start to compare what you want with what you have.  For instance, dating a younger man has its benefits just as dating an older man has benefits but it depends on what you are looking for at the time.  You have to understand the stages of human development to make this work for you and have fun doing it.  For example, if I choose to date a man that's 19 then I can expect that I'm going to be paying for stuff and competing with things that a 19 year old wants to do.  You might say well then what's the benefit? Well, ask yourself what else can you get from a 19 year old? Think on it....

3.  Kids

For those that have kids, I feel for you.  All I can say is that your kids should come first and if you are with someone or dating someone who isn't being a father and role model to their own kids don't count on them being that for yours.  That's a battle that I wouldn't advise engaging in.  It can get ugly and your kids caught in the middle.  Be cautious.

4.  Geography

Look past your immediate location.  Venture out.  Read my post "Girl, go somewhere" for tips on this.  Your man might not live on your block or in your neighborhood or even in your state.  If you're having trouble dating or finding the right kind of guy for you, widen your net.  I've recently come to the realization that maybe my man's name is Jean-Claude or Alejandro...who knows...but I haven't been to Mexico or Europe in recent years but I'm open to the possibilities. Time will tell.  It's on my to do list.

Those are just a few things to be mindful of as you enter or re-enter the dating scene.  There are tons of other things to be, do and say but I won't go into it here.  You need to digest what's been said already and see how your current method of attracting and meeting eligible men measures up.  I'm sure there is at least one of these items that needs to be revisited in your life and adjustments made.

Now, I really don't consider myself to be 'too picky' but I will say that there are people that I just don't have time for and that I am reasonably sure will add nothing to my life, therefore I don't bother trying to date them.  After the age of 30 you just know what's going to work and what isn't. 

If you haven't figured out who YOU are already, then you don't need to be dating anyone if you are currently single.  I hope that doesn't sound harsh but some of the relationships I learn about make me cringe.  If you are in an unhappy relationship then this might be part of the problem.  You may be suffering because you have yet to learn what real happiness feels like.  If you don't know that, then how can you recognize it from your partner? Food for thought.

So, I'm encouraging you to be picky but realistic.  Find the person who is right for you.  It's work though.  If you're lazy about it, you will surely not find what you're looking for.  Its amazing to me how long us women can take to buy the right outfit, right car, etc but take the first man that comes along and smiles at us.....Girl, Stop it!! That's what makes me tired of you!

It's ok to NOT give someone your phone number just because they asked.  It's ok to say no is all I'm saying.  Work on you so that when you are ready to jump out there and find 'THE ONE' you will save yourself a lot of wasted time, disappointment and frustration. You might even have fun.

Previous Love and Hip Hop Episodes

So here is where I am with most of the characters on Love and Hip Hop; Atlanta

I'm really upset with Rasheeda's husband.  He was so insensitive to his wife after hearing that she was pregnant.  I commented on a friend's news feed that there has to be more to the story or why would he have such an extreme response to a delicate situation?  I think asking or telling, rather, your wife to have an abortion because of inconvenient timing is ludicrous.  I agreed with her when she told him he was acting crazy.  I think I would have to separate from him for a while to see if he got his head on straight.  I would think that after being in a relationship for 13 years I would deserve a little more than a trip to the abortion clinic, driven by my own husband.  How sad is that? I can't help but shake my head. I expected more.  Rasheeda is just too beautiful to even have to go through that. Sad.

Traci and Drew. Traci completely lost me when she flipped the script on Drew's business skills after he lost her half of the investment money.  And since she didn't say, "you gave him $25K?" She said 50K which makes me inclined to believe that she probably gave up the entire 50 with him giving her back $25K once the business was successful.  The other reason I think she fronted the bill was because Drew just wasn't mad enough about losing money whether it was 25k or 50k. If I lose $5...I'M MAD! LOL

But since she entered into the agreement under false pretenses, now she's in the hole.  She just wants to be all in Drew's face and he doesn't even fake interest.  Would you give someone like that 25k? I wouldn't give someone like that 25 cents. Her sister hit the nail on the head when she brought to light that if Traci wanted to open a store she could do that without Drew, which is true.  So, why did she do it? According to her, Drew was successful in his business ventures but everyone else could see that she just wanted to be close to Drew and have a reason to be in face for no apparent reason.  Now that he made a worse than rookie business move, his business skills always been shaky. Come on, even I know that money does not change hands until everyone has agreed and signed on the dotted line.  That's not shaky business skills, that's non-existent business skills. LOL

Even though she was crying on the show I couldn't help but giggle that the plan backfired.  I'm not making fun of her pain I just don't sympathize with women who try to be undercover chasing a man.  Your transparent. Just stop. You look foolish to your friends and family and its just no good for your self-esteem when the house of cards comes tumbling down.  Traci needs to get focused on something else other than Drew.  He's not even that cute LOL

K. Michelle, K. Michelle, K. Michelle...I just don't know what to say. In the beginning I felt like she was kind of real in a ghetto way and now I just think she REAL loud.  Her tone and volume immediately turn you off from even wanting to hear what she has to say.  And she actually might be saying something someone needs to hear.

Dear K. Michelle,

Lower the volume.

Thanks in advance,
Crusading Black Woman

Did Joseline tell Che Mac to crank her braces?? I'm STILL dying laughing over that one.  Joseline is still holding on strong and Stevie j was right, he created that monster.

Stevie, Joseline and Mimi, well you know how I feel about Mimi. I could just do without her. So I will leave her alone for moment, until my next post since I'm kind of behind.

Thus far the show has not disappointed and I hope the drama continues.  Real life is just too depressing to be consumed with it 24/7.  At least Love and Hip-Hop is good for a laugh or two on Monday nights after a long day of working.

Stay tuned for what's next!!

Leave a comment if you dare!!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

GIRL, GO SOMEWHERE! No, LITERALLY, GO SOMEWHERE....

Hey folks, I know its been a little  while but Love and Hip Hop has just had my blood pressure up so I decided in the interest of my own health I would not write about them for now.....but I did do a YouTube video about it LOL, check it out Love and Hip Hop 6/17

Anyway, I'm starting this post off with this picture for a reason.  I just want to share a passion of mine and hope that it catches on in our community.  The above picture is a Rose window at Chartre Cathedral located just outside of Paris, France.

When I was 16 years old I was fortunate and blessed enough to be able to travel to Paris and its surrounding cities and walk through this very Cathedral and take my own pictures of the historical architecture and believe me it was such a wonder.  Although I was there with friends and we had a lot of fun, it was educational in nature and believe it or not, I've never forgotten all of the people, sights and sounds and history that I was a part of.  Traveling is a necessity.  Now, most people will probably say, I can't afford it.  In some cases, that might be true however if I was to take a look at your current budget I could probably squeeze the money out of your Weave, mani-pedi, everyday latte money.  Yes I went there. Don't get me wrong, I love a good weave and I get mani-pedi's too and I love Starbucks, but if I had an opportunity to travel to another country and could get there by temporarily sacrificing any or all of these extras then I wouldn't hesitate.  I want this idea to catch on in our community.  I want my close friends and family and anyone else who wants to see the world before they die to seriously consider trying to make their travel dreams come true.

What does travel do for you? Well, aside from it being a great, exotic, getaway, you will come away with memories and stories that will last you a lifetime.  Stories to tell your kids, stories to tell at work, stories to tell your potential boss at a job interview.  Truth is, everyone likes a well-rounded, traveled, individual.  I can't tell you how many brows raised when Paris or Rome was thrown into a conversation and I was able to say, yes I traveled there when I was a teen.  Just the look of surprise was good enough for me, even if I didn't get the job. I believe what it said to whomever I was talking to is that hey, I'm no dummy and I've been further than the end of the block in my own neighborhood.  I don't want to be an "Around the way, girl", I want to be an "Around the WORLD girl"!

So, take an interest in travel.  Look on a map, do a google search and learn something new about someplace new.  It will open your mind and the next thing you know the Travel Bug will have you in its grips and you won't want it to let go. I see a tour of the Amalfi Coast in my future and believe me I'm saving my pennies...Roll with me, if you think you can handle it...BEWARE, its not for the faint of heart.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

When you KNOW what you DON'T LIKE, STOP LIKING IT!

This is my saying for those who find themselves reliving the same experiences from one relationship to the next.  There's always a "next" because those same things that broke up your last relationship are the same ones that will break up your current one....and the one after, unless you take steps to prevent that.

If you know you didn't like the fact that the last brotha wasn't working, then you aren't going to like the fact that this one isn't either. If you didn't like the fact that your last man didn't have a car and you had to drive everywhere, my hunch is that you'll soon grow tired of playing chauffeur to this one too.  So why spend the time? Look deeper.  Why do you regularly pick these men that seem to have these issues, and then find yourself frustrated and upset?  Is it that you feel lonely? Do you feel incomplete when not in a relationship?  What connection, if any, do you feel you really have with this person?  All these questions help us to grow in understanding ourselves and how we get to what we really desire. 

Being a nurturer, I too have been caught up in trying to do my part in relationship but somehow crossing over the line and assuming roles and responsibilities that should have belonged to my partner.  I was able to sustain for a while but then, I got tired.  Once I gave up those extra responsibilities the relationship either thrived or it ended or in some cases both.  Ultimately, everyone has a role to play.  I believe after a certain age boys should try to be men. It happens sooner rather than later for some, and for some it never happens, its the luck of the draw.  It happens in due time for every individual.  We are superwomen like Alicia Keys said, but we just don't have the ability to speed up time and make our partners realize the importance of, I don't know, having a job and a car. 

So, when figure out what you don't like, never settle for it again. If you find yourself in a relationship and realize, uh oh, I'm liking what I don't like, STOP! Go immediately to your best friend and talk it out over drinks and then plan your exit.  :) It's not worth getting your blood pressure up.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

He's Cheating + Your still there = DUMB!!

Ok, I know that was harsh but no woman deserves to be cheated or mistreated and I can't for the life of me figure out why people stay. If you can shed some light on it, hit me at norikajackson@gmail.com. Your responses will be confidential.

I get so upset about this and I don't know why because, to my knowledge, I've never been cheated on. I'm outraged though, at those who cheat so boldly and continue to have someone at home waiting for them.  If that someone is you, I encourage you to rethink the situation and make some hard decisions.

I couldn't imagine a scenario where my boyfriend/husband's sidepiece is calling me at work, or he's not coming home until late or sometimes not at all for days at a time, or spending money I KNOW he does NOT have on another chick.  I could go on and on with the things I've heard but you get the picture. 

My question is, once you have forgiven him and stayed and maybe come to a resolution, what have you gained? You've been humiliated and degraded and stepped on and if you have children...Lord help them. 

If you feel your unable to leave then seek the counsel of a professional to identify those barriers and come up with a plan. Please stop getting jerked around. Put your foot down.  Make your REQUIREMENTS for staying in the relationship known and if he doesn't try to meet them then KEEP IT MOVING!

Many of us stay in messed up situations because that's all we know. Do yourself a favor and learn something new.  I know your just as tired of your cheating man as I am.  Do something about it. Now some fellow Christians may be upset at what I'm about to say but its how I feel.  I would never counsel someone to stay in a broken relationship, especially where they are in harms way and pray about it.  I would tell you to pray about it however I believe that can be done while the couple is separated.  This is so both parties can clear their minds and focus on the task at hand IF that's the desire of BOTH parties.

Again ladies you can't fix the relationship by yourself.  So while your getting counseling and praying and trying to still be a good wife or girlfriend, your man is still out foolin' around and not taking anything seriously.  Keep in mind you can't speed up maturity.  And you can't make a man be a man before he's ready. BUT you CAN help the process. How, you say?

By holding yourself in high-esteem and not taking nothin' off nobody!!  Men always want what they can't have. Let them know they can't have you unless they meet some requirements.  A man will always do his very best to make his woman know that he is in love and if he's not he's slippin'. 

NO MAN ON EARTH, is worth sustaining lifelong mental, physical and emotional scars.  God would not want that for you, you shouldn't want that for yourself.  Put you first and let your man see, 'I love you, but I love me more.'

Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta: See what happens when you get a ring? You act Simple!

*Sigh.... Here we go

Erica, Erica, Erica.......WHY???

I was highly disappointed in her behavior on last night's episode.  She was actually making progress with Scrappy and she just threw it all away.  I'm starting to wonder if she's purposely sabotaging her relationship.  I don't know why she would do that, but I'm sure I'll get to the bottom of it. :)

This relates to an earlier post called, 'So you want the ring' and its a perfect example of why men are so reluctant to give their woman a ring in the first place.  With her actions she just made it that much harder for the next woman to get where she's trying to go which is to the alter.

I'm watching this episode and I'm really feeling Scrappy trying to man-up and do what he wants to do.  Good for him. That's what we want all men to do.  Then I see her go ballistic and I'm stunned because I'm like, wait, he just stood up for you like you've been complaining about and you can't even take the win and shut the hell up!  Now you wanna FLEX?!?

And what happened? GIMME MY RING BACK!! lmao

Everybody I just CAN'T

A ring does not give you any special powers or privileges.  It's simply a man stating, 'I intend to marry you and make you my wife.'  It does NOT give you license to act like a jackass.  In doing that Erica just gave Mama Dee MORE ammo against her.  She NEVER liked Erica and she fell right into her trap.  I don't know how Scrap is feeling right now but I don't know how Erica can come back.  In my opinion she needs to talk with Scrap one on one and apologize.  Then she needs to talk with Mama Dee ONE TIME one on one and let her feelings be known and carry on with her life.  Mama Dee is crazy. I've always laughed when people try to reason with the mentally ill.  It's like trying to argue with a drunk person, pointless.  Erica even said herself that she's been dealing with Mama Dee for a long time.  So, did she think her ring gave Mama Dee back her sensibilities?? I don't know but I'm here to tell you that a ring is merely a piece of jewelry.  It doesn't perform miracles.

Moving on.  Then she jumps up and starts acting like a real hood rat.  I don't condone domestic violence in any way shape or form but had scrappy slapped the ____ out of her, I couldn't say anything.  I'm glad ALL he did was push her.  I would hope she learned to keep her hands to herself.  Women kill me jumpin in a ____ face and then callin the police.  Now you need help because he done knocked your weave crooked.  Girl, stop playin'.

I believe Scrappy was on to something when he said to Erica that it would please her for him to disrespect his mother.  I think he was right.  That's not cool.  A woman should NEVER want her man to disrespect his own mother.  If he does then he won't hesitate to disrespect you and YOURS. 

All this time she's been saying Scrappy doesn't stand up for her but that's what he's been doing and she's too caught up in her ring and wedding to notice.  Now she's given Mama Dee a big gap to squeeze Shay through.  Sorry Erica you just gave up this round.  This should have been a battle you won to help you win the War.  This loss may have cost you the War.  All the years you put up with stuff would be for nothing. Sad.

We cry about wanting a man but then refuse to let the one we have BE ONE.  Check yourself ladies.  Men don't need a second mother.

I'm not gonna spend much time on Mama Dee but a lot of people are blaming her for the incident and I disagree.  Like I said, I knew Mama Dee was crazy from jump anytime your a grown*ss woman and you talkin about some 'Prince of South' and the kingdom isn't running well.....OMG she needs meds.  So, she just needs to get a life of her own and let Scrappy live his and I believe he's trying to get there his own way and these simple females he got in his life are just plain screwing it up.

I guess that's it for now....I don't have the strength to get on Joseline and her comment about Benzino. I'm still laughing.

Take away - Try letting your man be a man, you might be pleasantly surprised



Thursday, May 2, 2013

I’m gonna talk about YOUR kids!


 
I do nooooot like your kids! Ooooh I’m so tired of them, talk about Ratched lol

Ok parents; let me talk to you all for a second.  I think its time for a little disclosure on my part which is for those that don’t know me personally, I do not have children.  Its never really been my desire to have children so I took precautions.  If I’m ever to have kids I want it to be with whomever I’m married to period. That’s just my requirement.  The circumstances that led up to you being a parent matters little now.  Now, the question is what are you gonna do with these people that you made?
Your kids don’t know how to act and that’s your fault.  Your kids don’t value an education, also your fault.  Your kids don’t respect authority and that’s DEFINITELY your fault.  Your kids are spoiled and guess what? Yep, that’s your fault too.  Now if your kids aren’t any of the above then this message isn’t for you.  In fact, I may ask the good parents to say ‘Amen’ once I’m through.  If your kids are one or more of the above and they are under 18 years of age then this message is for you and I’m going to try to help you redeem yourself.
Those that might be offended are probably saying I don’t know what I’m talking about because I don’t have kids.  The fact remains that I could be a better parent than you just based on what I’ve READ about children.  Believe me, some of you could benefit from a parenting class or two. 
So let me throw in an extreme example.  I love Maury! Anyway, I’m sure you’ve all seen his shows about out of control teens etc.  One guest was there with her daughter who was 14 or 15 and she was there crying and talking about her baby girl and how this wasn’t the daughter that she knew and all that jazz.  So they cut to the backstage shot of the teen.  She’s wearing some horrendous outfit that looked it was made by ‘Hookers United’ and she has purple hair mixed with her blonde hair.  When they cut back to the mom I notice she has hot pink hair mixed with her blonde hair.  Instantly, I had no sympathy.  My question to the mother would be, “Is she trying to be like you or are you trying to be like her?” 
Stop trying to be your child’s friend.  Its making you look like you don’t care. The point I want to make is that you can be your child’s friend later on in life after you’ve gotten them to adulthood.  My mother wasn’t my friend until I was grown.  Before I was grown, she and my father were the authority, period.  Now that I’m an adult she’s my best friend.  I’m thankful that she let God lead her and help her be the parent that she is, for my sake.
Children need structure and discipline.  They will make friends at school. You don’t really need to be one right now.  My mother made the final decision and I didn’t have to like the outcome.  Stop flipping out when your child cries because they can’t have something or do something they want to do.  They will be OK.  Life is full of disappointments.  They need to get used to that and understand, yes you feel sad, angry or whatever but that feeling passes and you move on to something else.  When life disappoints you, it’s not the end of the world.  You don’t have to kill yourself or other people because your upset that things didn’t go your way.  Sound familiar?  Your lunatics of today were once somebody’s children. 

 It’s so much more important to foster and nurture in them the belief that they can overcome. Look at the times we live in right now.  The news is absolutely depressing.  Don’t let your child raise themselves, don’t let the media, politics, or what’s ‘trending’, raise YOUR child.  Instill your morals and values, and if you don’t have any, GET SOME.  Help your child become more than what’s expected because, I don’t know if you heard, the current expectation is that your kid is likely to end up in jail. 
Its fine to allow your child to grow, express themselves and become who they are however keep in mind that they have to be able to survive in this world without you.  They have to also learn the rules to the game of life and how to play to win.  When was the last time your boss encouraged you to express yourself at the office? Not NEVA!  So teach your kid about what’s appropriate at home and what’s appropriate outside of home.
I could go on and on but before I make this too long I’ll leave you with this;
Your children are a reflection of you and your priorities.  If your child is 4 years old and has jordan’s, lebron’s, a cell phone and ipod but can’t talk worth a damn, YOUR IN VIOLATION.  You need to rethink some things.