I Sat with a Murderer Today

My social work life brings a new person, circumstance or situation to my attention every day.  It’s not until I mentally connect to my inner self that I realize my work goes so far beyond licenses, degrees and a strong writing sample.  It seems that people, whether social workers or not, sometimes overlook the basic, and focus on the complicated and wonder why they cannot understand a particular person, problem, or situation.  People are more than their circumstances and much more than the labels we put on them.  One must look deeper to understand what is within.

So, yes, today I sat with a murderer.  This man sat barely a foot from me at the same table and we talked, and had a laugh or two and all the while I knew that he had killed someone.  Not only did he kill someone but he committed this murder at the age of 11.  Yes, eleven.  At eleven years old he was labeled, violent, aggressive, defiant and psychotic.  He spent the next thirty years of his life in the confines of the penal system.  First, the juvenile penal system then graduating to the adult penal system and finally being released just a little over three years ago.  Still unable to read or write very much, the average person might have given up or returned to a criminal environment and possibly back to prison just out of sheer discouragement and hopelessness.  It’s quite a feat to obtain a job when you have a felony on your record and ‘murder’? Well, let’s just say I hope no one I know ever has to try.

Still plagued by flashbacks and nightmares of the murder that happened so long ago and the ensuing incarceration, he has been linked with a mental health agency and is now on medication that helps him to sleep and helps him to keep an even mood.  He still has a long way to go but I must say he has grown and matured since his release and is making every positive step he can with a little help along the way. 

The take away from this; don’t judge.  Learn who a person is before you decide how much value to give them.  Try to understand their specific circumstances and how your interaction with them might make a difference.  I like to think my interaction with this man helped him in some way.  It may not have been anything I said but maybe he just saw me as a helpful person he could look to for assistance that knew his history and wasn’t afraid.  After all, it wasn’t just his poor choices, but also the choices made for him as a youngster that ultimately decided his life course.  What I liked about this young man is that he learned that although he could not change his past, he could do something about his future.

Some might be thinking that I wrote this for other social workers.  I wrote this for everyone.  Far too many times I see and hear people being judged for their past and misdeeds.  If someone judged you on every mistake you made how would you feel? Could you handle it?  I don’t know about you but I would probably feel awful.

So be kind to one another no matter what the circumstances are.  You might teach them something or even better, they might teach you something.  Well, that’s my story with a Murderer.  Now, I know you wanna hear about my sit-down with a He who is a She. J

Oh Lord Jesus, It’s Tax Time

It’s that time again.  Let’s speak freely on the foolishness I see when the tax returns come back.

So, I get that everyone wants to have nice things and look good when they go out but I’m here to say that all the stuff you buy will not change the fact that you are broke.  If you don’t have a checking and savings account you are doing way too much. 

Try to understand the angle I’m coming from.  I like to travel and shop just as much or more than the next person however I do have limitations when it comes to spending.  Everyone should have a budget and if you don’t, START RIGHT NOW. 

It’s the beginning of a New Year and therefore a great many people will get a Tax Return from Uncle Sam very soon.  My plea is to please do something with your refund other than waste it.  If you are getting a return try to do some of the things listed below. I promise you will thank me later.  For now please don’t do the following;

• Buy a new car that you know you won’t be able to pay for by March because your tax refund ran out and you didn’t get a raise at work
• Buy a pair of $1200 Leboutin’s and wear them with a $25 outfit
• Spend money at some expensive restaurant where you can barely order because you can’t pronounce anything on the menu and furthermore you don’t know if its meat or vegetable
• Put a chunk of money down on a summer trip, struggle with making the final payments then have no spending money when it’s time to depart

Whew, that’s the abbreviated list.  You get my point so let’s move on.

So when I talk about a ‘budget’, I’m not telling you have to live like a homeless person but spending more than $100-$150 on a pair of shoes is asinine in my opinion. If your salary permits this and you have a checking account/savings account, 401k, stocks and bonds, a mortgage, rental property and $0 debt, then by all means keep doing what you do.  But if that’s not your situation then start today trying to get your financial life together.

Now there are all kinds of books on the subject and some geared specifically towards African American’s and their spending habits and Michelle Singletary has a money column in the Washington Post business section (yes they have a business section, you should check it out) giving you tips and ideas on how to save and have a strong financial portfolio but I’m not going to even make you read all that. I’m just going to give you some simple things to keep in mind when spending your well-deserved paycheck/tax refund.

• Pay God – You know why.
• Pay yourself – I know this seems like common sense and if it doesn’t it should.  Paying yourself is one way to ensure that you have money put aside for the eventualities that often come up in life.  95% of the time you need money for that eventuality so think ahead and save yourself some stress.
• Pay your rent/mortgage/utilities, car note/insurance, credit cards – this isn’t an exhaustive list but you get that these are necessities.  Disclaimer: Not paying your rent WILL result in homelessness; not paying your car note WILL result in the purchase of a SMART TRIP.  I’m just saying.
• Food/clothing/kids/etc – everything that is not a necessity will typically fall in this category.  That’s where the budget is most helpful. 

Contrary to popular opinion it’s really not necessary to have your hair, nails, feet, lashes (top and bottom) and eyebrows arched every single time you get paid.  I can hear it now, “Nu uh, Norika. I got to be lookin’ right.”  My response: Lookin’ right for whom?  My smarty pant sisters will say they do it for themselves.  Yeah right.  You do it to attract others, let’s be real.  Again another conversation for another time.  The bottom line is that you can definitely do beauty on a budget and less truly is more.

  So, when you start checking your mailbox daily for your check keep in mind that better days can be ahead if you give a little, save a little then spend a little.  Just spend wisely!