When it comes to relationships, I feel like I have to break it down a little further for some of you that are trying your hardest to be with someone. I'm the best person to do this because a big part of my personal and professional career revolves around knowing and studying human patterns and behavior. Yes, I can get scientific but I won't because that would be lost on some so I will try to keep it simple.
There are a lot of dating questions floating through the atmosphere and yes, it is a lot to take in because choosing a mate is serious business. Even choosing who to date is serious business and can make you really frustrated. So here are some tips to help you along.
1. Beauty
Those of you who are really worried about height, weight and attractiveness really need to put that in perspective. If you are looking for a man, you want to know who he is and what his goals are. Don't care that he's not your preferred height, care about whether he is on his way somewhere or too busy trying to look good. I'm not saying be with someone who isn't attractive to you but beware that you aren't looking over a decent person because he doesn't meet your height requirement. Funny, you have a height requirement and no job requirement. Fix it.
2. Age
The age question has come up several times in the last few weeks. How old is too old? How young is too young? These questions can be answered in several different ways. Personally, I don't think age is a factor until you start to compare what you want with what you have. For instance, dating a younger man has its benefits just as dating an older man has benefits but it depends on what you are looking for at the time. You have to understand the stages of human development to make this work for you and have fun doing it. For example, if I choose to date a man that's 19 then I can expect that I'm going to be paying for stuff and competing with things that a 19 year old wants to do. You might say well then what's the benefit? Well, ask yourself what else can you get from a 19 year old? Think on it....
3. Kids
For those that have kids, I feel for you. All I can say is that your kids should come first and if you are with someone or dating someone who isn't being a father and role model to their own kids don't count on them being that for yours. That's a battle that I wouldn't advise engaging in. It can get ugly and your kids caught in the middle. Be cautious.
4. Geography
Look past your immediate location. Venture out. Read my post "Girl, go somewhere" for tips on this. Your man might not live on your block or in your neighborhood or even in your state. If you're having trouble dating or finding the right kind of guy for you, widen your net. I've recently come to the realization that maybe my man's name is Jean-Claude or Alejandro...who knows...but I haven't been to Mexico or Europe in recent years but I'm open to the possibilities. Time will tell. It's on my to do list.
Those are just a few things to be mindful of as you enter or re-enter the dating scene. There are tons of other things to be, do and say but I won't go into it here. You need to digest what's been said already and see how your current method of attracting and meeting eligible men measures up. I'm sure there is at least one of these items that needs to be revisited in your life and adjustments made.
Now, I really don't consider myself to be 'too picky' but I will say that there are people that I just don't have time for and that I am reasonably sure will add nothing to my life, therefore I don't bother trying to date them. After the age of 30 you just know what's going to work and what isn't.
If you haven't figured out who YOU are already, then you don't need to be dating anyone if you are currently single. I hope that doesn't sound harsh but some of the relationships I learn about make me cringe. If you are in an unhappy relationship then this might be part of the problem. You may be suffering because you have yet to learn what real happiness feels like. If you don't know that, then how can you recognize it from your partner? Food for thought.
So, I'm encouraging you to be picky but realistic. Find the person who is right for you. It's work though. If you're lazy about it, you will surely not find what you're looking for. Its amazing to me how long us women can take to buy the right outfit, right car, etc but take the first man that comes along and smiles at us.....Girl, Stop it!! That's what makes me tired of you!
It's ok to NOT give someone your phone number just because they asked. It's ok to say no is all I'm saying. Work on you so that when you are ready to jump out there and find 'THE ONE' you will save yourself a lot of wasted time, disappointment and frustration. You might even have fun.
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